Question 1: What will you do if I run away with your sister?"
The candidate who was selected answered " I will not get a better match for my sister than you sir"
Question 2: Interviewer (to a student girl candidate) - What is one morning you woke up found that you were pregnant.
Girl - I will be very excited and take an off, to celebrate with my husband.
Normally an unmarried girl will be shocked to hear this, but she managed it well. Why I should think it in the wrong way, she said later when asked
Question 3: Interviewer: He ordered a cup of coffee for the candidate. Coffee arrived kept before the candidate, then he asked what is before you?
Candidate: Instantly replied "Tea" He got selected. You know how and why did he say "TEA" when he knows very well that coffee was kept before.
(Answer: The question was "What is before you (U - alphabet) Reply was "TEA" ( T - alphabet) Alphabet "T" was before Alphabet "U")
Question 4: Where Lord Rama would have celebrated his "First Diwali"?
People will start thinking of Ayodya, Mitila [Janaki's place], Lanka etc... But the logic is, Diwali was a celebrated as a mark of Lord Krishna Killing Narakasura. In Dusavataar, Krishnavathaar comes after Raamavathaar.So, Lord Rama would not have celebrated the Diwali At all!
Question 5: The interviewer asked to the candidate "This is your last question of the interview. Please tell me the exact position of the center of this table where u have kept your files."
Candidate confidently put one of his finger at some point at the table and told that this was the central point at the table. Interviewer asked how did u get to know that this being the central point of this table, then he answers quickly that sir u r not likely to ask any more question, as it was the last question that u promised to ask..... And hence, he was selected as because of his quick-wittedness. ........
This is What Interviewer expects from the Interviewee.
Saturday, January 5, 2008
OFFICE ARITHMETIC
Smart boss + smart employee = profitSmart
boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
Roles in heaven
Brahma
Systems Installation
Vishnu
Systems Administration & Support
Lakshmi
Finance and Accounts consultant
Saraswati
Training and Knowledge Management
Shiva
DBA (Crash Specialist)
Ganesh
Quality Assuarance & Documentation
Narada
Data transfer
Yama
Reorganization & Downsizing Consultant
Chitragupta
IDP & Personal Records
Apsaras
Downloadable Viruses
Devas
Mainframe Programmers
Surya
Solaris Administrator
Rakshasas
In house Hackers
Ravan
Internet Explorer WWWF
Kumbhakarnan
Zombie Process
Lakshman
Support Software and Backup
Hanuman
Linux/s390
Baali
MS Windows
Sugreeva
DOS
Jatayu
Firewall
Dronacharya
System Programmer
Vishwamitra
Sr. Manager Projects
Shakuni
Annual appraisal & Promotion
Valmiki
Technical Writer (Ramayana Sign off document)
Krishna
SDLC ( Sudarshan Wheel Development Life Cycle )
Dharmaraj Yudhishthira
ISO Consultant (CMM level 5)
Arjun
Lead Programmer (all companies are vying for him)
Abhimanyu
Trainee Programmer
Draupadi
Motivation & Team building
Bhima
MAINFRAME LEGACY SYSTEM
Duryodhana
Microsoft product Written in VB
Karna
Contract programmer
Dhrutarashtra
Visual C++
Gandhari
Dreamweaver
100 Kauravas
Microsoft Service Packs and patches
Promotion test
The colonel had three Second Lieutenants eligible for promotion. The problem was, he only had one First Lieutenant Slot available.
The colonel called the first candidate his office and said, "This is a promotion test. If I was to tell you that I wanted a flag pole erected in front of Post HQ by 1500, what would you do?"
The Lt. thought about it for a second, and said, "Sir. I would get a shovel, head for HQ and start digging. "
"You're not ready to be promoted," the Colonel interrupted.
The colonel asked the same question of the next candidate.
"Sir," said the next Lt., "I would fill out a CE work order, making sure I made provisions for the appropriate environmental study and . . . "
"You are definitely not ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.
The Colonel asked the question of the final candidate.
Without hesitation, the Lieutenant said, "Sir. I would call the First Sergeant, and say, "Top, I want a @#$#@ flag pole in front of HQ by 1500!"
"You're ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.
The colonel called the first candidate his office and said, "This is a promotion test. If I was to tell you that I wanted a flag pole erected in front of Post HQ by 1500, what would you do?"
The Lt. thought about it for a second, and said, "Sir. I would get a shovel, head for HQ and start digging. "
"You're not ready to be promoted," the Colonel interrupted.
The colonel asked the same question of the next candidate.
"Sir," said the next Lt., "I would fill out a CE work order, making sure I made provisions for the appropriate environmental study and . . . "
"You are definitely not ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.
The Colonel asked the question of the final candidate.
Without hesitation, the Lieutenant said, "Sir. I would call the First Sergeant, and say, "Top, I want a @#$#@ flag pole in front of HQ by 1500!"
"You're ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.
Equal opportunity employer
A local business was looking for office help. They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED. Must be able to type, must be good with a computer and must be bilingual. We are an Equal Opportunity Employer."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."
.
.
.
.
.
The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."
A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside. He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.
Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager. The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least. However, the dog looked determined, so he lead him into the office. Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager.
The manager said, "I can't hire you. The sign says you have to be able to type." The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter. He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair. The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with a computer."
The dog jumped down again and went to the computer. The dog proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager. By this time the manager was totally dumb-founded! He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities. However, I *still* can't give you the job."
The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Opportunity Employer. The manager said, "Yes, but the sign *also* says that you have to be bilingual."
.
.
.
.
.
The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."
Twelve Things You'll Never Hear An Employee Tell the Boss
1. Never give me work in the morning. Always wait until 5:00 and then bring it to me. The challenge of a deadline is always refreshing.
2. If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That greatly aids my efficiency.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for me. I might need to learn how to function as a paraplegic in future and opening doors is good training.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could get me a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. If fact, save them until the job is almost done.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate.
2. If it's really a "rush job," run in and interrupt me every 10 minutes to inquire how it's going. That greatly aids my efficiency.
3. Always leave without telling anyone where you're going. It gives me a chance to be creative when someone asks where you are.
4. If my arms are full of papers, boxes, books or supplies, don't open the door for me. I might need to learn how to function as a paraplegic in future and opening doors is good training.
5. If you give me more than one job to do, don't tell me which is the priority. Let me guess.
6. Do your best to keep me late. I like the office and really have nowhere to go or anything to do.
7. If a job I do pleases you, keep it a secret. Leaks like that could get me a promotion.
8. If you don't like my work, tell everyone. I like my name to be popular in conversations.
9. If you have special instructions for a job, don't write them down. If fact, save them until the job is almost done.
10. Never introduce me to the people you're with. When you refer to them later, my shrewd deductions will identify them.
11. Be nice to me only when the job I'm doing for you could really change your life.
12. Tell me all your little problems. No one else has any and it's nice to know someone is less fortunate.
Friday, January 4, 2008
मुकताफले
तुम्ही बसची वाट पाहत बस थांब्यावर उभे आहात, कंटाळून सिगरेट शिलगवा, बस आलीच म्हणुन समजा
तुम्ही तुमची कार स्वच्छ धुतालित कि पाउस कोसळतो
दुपारी तुम्हाला झोप लागली की कुरिअरवाला येतो
खरोखरीच्या समस्येला उपाय हा नसतोच
तुम्ही तुमची कार स्वच्छ धुतालित कि पाउस कोसळतो
दुपारी तुम्हाला झोप लागली की कुरिअरवाला येतो
खरोखरीच्या समस्येला उपाय हा नसतोच
Project manager :)
This is one of the coolest mails on IT..!
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the
strongest man around that they offered a Rs 10,000
bet. The bartender would squeeze a
lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand
the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one
more drop of juice out would win the money. Many
people like weight-lifters, wrestlers, body
builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could
do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing
thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny,
squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the
laughter had died down, the bartender said OK,
grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the
wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence
as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and
5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the
crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and
asked the little man, "What do you do for a living?
Are you a weight-lifter, or what?"
"No," replied the man.
"I work as a project manager in a software company !! "
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the
strongest man around that they offered a Rs 10,000
bet. The bartender would squeeze a
lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand
the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one
more drop of juice out would win the money. Many
people like weight-lifters, wrestlers, body
builders, etc had tried over time, but nobody could
do it.
One day this scrawny little man came in, wearing
thick glasses and a safari suit, and said in a tiny,
squeaky voice, "I'd like to try the bet." After the
laughter had died down, the bartender said OK,
grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. Then he handed the
wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowd's laughter turned to total silence
as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and
5-6 drops fell into the glass. As the
crowd cheered, the bartender paid the Rs 10,000, and
asked the little man, "What do you do for a living?
Are you a weight-lifter, or what?"
"No," replied the man.
"I work as a project manager in a software company !! "
I dont Care :)
No matter what happens in the project,
Whatever may be the pressure, deadlines, CRR, Onsite, tensions+
I’ll maintain this spirit,
Whatever may be the pressure, deadlines, CRR, Onsite, tensions+
I’ll maintain this spirit,
मुकताफले
कोणतीही गोष्ट वाटते तेवढी सोपी नसते
कोनतही काम करण्याचा "आणखी एक सोपा" मार्ग असतो
जयाच्याकडे एक घड्याल आहे त्याला वेळ कळते, जयाच्याकडे दोन घड्याल असतात त्याला खातरी नसते
ज्यांना शक्य आहे - ते करतात, ज्यांना जमत नाही ते - शीकवतात
कोनतही काम करण्याचा "आणखी एक सोपा" मार्ग असतो
जयाच्याकडे एक घड्याल आहे त्याला वेळ कळते, जयाच्याकडे दोन घड्याल असतात त्याला खातरी नसते
ज्यांना शक्य आहे - ते करतात, ज्यांना जमत नाही ते - शीकवतात
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Lets hope this is applicable to our project also!!
" Don't quit, until succeed."
“Hamari Hindi filmon ki tarah hamare
Projects mein aakhir tak sab kuch theek ho jaata hai ….
Ending is alwaz Happy ….
Aur agar aisa na ho to samjho
Project abhi baaki hai mere DOST …….. “
“Hamari Hindi filmon ki tarah hamare
Projects mein aakhir tak sab kuch theek ho jaata hai ….
Ending is alwaz Happy ….
Aur agar aisa na ho to samjho
Project abhi baaki hai mere DOST …….. “
Movies Related to College Life
Exam == Kalyug,
Classes == Kabhi Kabhi
Viva == Encounter
Examination Hall == Chamber of Secret
Examiner == Mrityudata
Course == GodZilla
Paper Correction == Andha Kanoon
Exam Time == Qayamat se Qayamat Tak
Question Paper == Paheli
Answer Paper == Kora Kagaz
Marks == Ashambhav
Paper Out == Plan
Cheating == Aksar
Last Exam == Independence Day
Result == Sadma
Pass == Ajooba / Chamatkar
Fail == Devdas
Vacations == Masti
Supplementary == Aakhri Rasta
***********
Classes == Kabhi Kabhi
Viva == Encounter
Examination Hall == Chamber of Secret
Examiner == Mrityudata
Course == GodZilla
Paper Correction == Andha Kanoon
Exam Time == Qayamat se Qayamat Tak
Question Paper == Paheli
Answer Paper == Kora Kagaz
Marks == Ashambhav
Paper Out == Plan
Cheating == Aksar
Last Exam == Independence Day
Result == Sadma
Pass == Ajooba / Chamatkar
Fail == Devdas
Vacations == Masti
Supplementary == Aakhri Rasta
***********
Ek Cutki Code ki Keemat
Ek Chutki code ki keemat tum kya jaano PA Babu?
Ishwar ka ashirwaad hota hai ek chutki code
Developer ke sar ka taj hota hai ek chutki code
Har bench resource ka khwaab hota hai ek chutki code
Ishwar ka ashirwaad hota hai ek chutki code
Developer ke sar ka taj hota hai ek chutki code
Har bench resource ka khwaab hota hai ek chutki code
Kya tu bhi Soft Engg hai MAMUUU
appun jaise tappori s/w Engg. ko kya maalum...
saala programming kis chidiya kaa naam hai...
copy paste kaa kaam miltaa hai bass appun khush...!!!
fir yeh coding kaa lafdaa locha kaiko?
are kaiko ?
arre kaiko re?
fir ek din boleto appun ko project mila.....
ya haaaaaaaaaa!!!!
saala appun ka khopdi chakkar kha gaya ......
computer ke saath dil saala takkar kha gayaa...!!!
din bhar appun computer ke aagge...
koi lafdaa nahi kuch nahi...
Boss bola kya be munna saala tu bhi programmer bann gaya...!!!
ye munnabhai kya coding bana rela hai baap...!!!
(fir ...? fir kya huwa..?)
fir ek din appun ne coding poora kar diya...
form poora karke appun ne testing ko bhej diya...!!!
lagataa tha ab appun kaa kaam khatam ho gaya ......!!!
par module me issues dekhake sala appun darr gaya ....!!!
appun ke saamne tester ne mere coding me ki galtiyaa nikali... aapun ke
coding ki poori waat laga di.... appun udharich khadaa thaa... par
appun kuch nahi bola... kaiko bolega? kaiko...?
saala ek, ek kaam kiya thaa... usme bhi itne bugs...
par appun ek aansu nahi roya...
kaiko royega...?
kaiko..?
saala appunich yedaa thaa naa...!!!
agale din se phir wohi life chalu...
wohi mails forward karnaa, wohi messages, wohi template, wohi
assignments... saala itnaa mails forward kiya...itnaa mails forward
kiya...
log samze mail server down hoyega... bhoolneka hai bhoolneka hai par
kya
karega...!!!
training milke bhi jab kaam nahi miltaa hai...
haa thoda bore huwa par chaltaa hai...
(phir ...? phir kya huwa..?)
fir ...?
fir kya...?
fir agale din appun ko aur ek project mila...!!!
shaappak...
saala appun ka khopdi phir chakkar kha gaya .......
computer ke saath dil saala phir takkar kha gayaa...!!!
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Top 10 excuses to sleep in the office
1. They told me at the blood bank this might happen.
2. I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.
3. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!
4. Amen
5. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.
6. Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper
7. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.
8. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
9. Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!
10. Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
2. I wasn't sleeping, I was trying to pick up contact lens without hands.
3. I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!
4. Amen
5. This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to.
6. Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper
7. I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve work related stress.
8. This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!
9. Boy, that cold medicine I took last night just won't wear off!
10. Darn! Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a solution to our biggest problem.
Welcome
Hi bored office workers :)
This is a blog which is only for you. Here you will get lot of fun and joy with the special jokes and stuff that is created only for us. Hope you will like it. Please don't forget to comment on if you will like the jokes.
Regards,
Moderator,
FunnyOfficeJokes0.blogspot.com
This is a blog which is only for you. Here you will get lot of fun and joy with the special jokes and stuff that is created only for us. Hope you will like it. Please don't forget to comment on if you will like the jokes.
Regards,
Moderator,
FunnyOfficeJokes0.blogspot.com
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